a burden so heavy. even writing lyrics isnt good enough to express. i need to find another form of expression. before it all builds up and dies. guitar, singing, dance.
world, please mass produce. so there will be a higher probability. then again i am unconcerned.
why am i searching in all the places where i know i will find no solace. the answer lays uncovered before me. yet i choose to ignore and overlook. stubborn, adamant.
wasted away. today. graffiti rebels without a cause.
now for my music therapy. while i slumber.
what do i do when lightning strikes me and awake to find that you're not there what have i gotta do when sorry seems to be the hardest word.
perfection at 5:57 PM
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Friday, July 28, 2006
how to maintain the momentum. what an applicable question. guess its the sudden loss of contact. and then the sudden input of judgement. self-defence was inevitable. but i should have known better.
dont wanna end up like. dont wanna wind up like. dont wanna result in. this is no ordinary gift bestowed.
if i have to start from square one. i will start from square one. to our square of infinity again.
trust me. i'd lose anything in the world but this.
some days i'll make it through and then there's nights that never end but still i have to say i would do it all again just want you to know.
perfection at 4:12 PM
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
went back to my old house today. awww man i felt so queer. walking down the pathway. and standing in front of the gate. everything just came rushing back.
the two dogs, the front garden, the unused dining table, the yellow flowers which excreted weird white substance, the always cold and empty study where i fell asleep practicing chinese spelling, rolling across my room on my computer chair, the ploys to escape piano lessons, that was home.
it really looked like a cute little town. where the houses were on both sides of the road. all in nice neat petite rows. warm lamp post glows at every bend. and on both sides of the pathway grew random-coloured flowers. that home housed my childhood. i never really did appreciate it like that.
i think i love my pw group.
and i know you can see right through me so let me go and you will find someone you are my only, my only one.
perfection at 11:57 AM
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006
just like a pill. brings with it a rush. but i cannot afford no more. i will get burned for sure. addiction is be hard to combat. just refrain, just avoid, just detach.
thinking, feeling. brings with it a contradiction. should i shouldnt i. i really want to, yet i know i must not. point me my direction. when i start getting caught in the middle. just so i wont lose you.
look beyond this delicate shell. thick eyeliner may perfectly hide the tears that well up inside.
permanent solution for a temporary problem. stix, the bravest in all the land.
girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes. let me be there to catch you when you fall.
people can take everything away from you but they can never take away your truth but the question is can you handle mine thats my prerogative.
perfection at 4:01 PM
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Tuesday, July 18, 2006
i'm scared. life would be much simpler without human interaction. then again it would lose its element of fun. i detest when there's trust involved. where flesh becomes raw and uncovered. so susceptible to disease. yes call me selfish. its only because i'm afraid.
i dont require your comprehension. i just need your safe, unwavering perception. thats all i'm asking for.
now i get it. i get what i was. but i will not repeat. no not for you. just another one in the vast. nothing more than. you make me scoff your defects.
i am an effective waster of time. guess you didnt cherish what you could've had.
and yes everyone has their black treasure chests.
one day i'll fly away leave all this to yesterday why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends.
perfection at 3:53 PM
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Friday, July 14, 2006
the sky's a little brighter now. eating the last chocolate muffin in my room. i guess my dog's awake already.
somehow there's a strange feeling of comfort. to know i'm the only one awake in my house. how inexplicable. oh wells differentiation tutorial.
my mom finally bought shower gel. after days of using soap bars. yayness. soap bars totally suck. they dry your skin terribly. and now i smell different. but the smell is awfully familiar. i smell like someone i used to know pretty well. crap i cant remember who.
san miguel asian nine ball tour. at ho chi minh city on channel 24. aiyar reyes will own la. come to think of it. i havent played pool in a super long time.
for who i am. not what i come across to be.
now i shall go check the meaning of lieu.
so i try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered i cant remember why i'm lying here tonight.
perfection at 8:16 PM
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Thursday, July 13, 2006
singapore idol. the third judge's comments are utterly ridiculous. nothing constructive whatsoever. i'm like "HURH?! whatever."
interesting fact. i have to return my library book next wednesday. nooooooooooo ! i've grown affectionate.
relient k's "who i am hates who i've been". i talk to absolutely no one. couldnt keep to myself enough. and the things bottled up inside. have finally begun to create so much pressure. that i'd soon blow up.
why cant we wear eyeliner to school. is there a need for such a rule.
i promise to be strong for you to lean on.
i heard the reverberating footsteps. sinking up to the beating of my heart. and i was positive that unless i got myself together. i would watch me fall apart.
and i cant let that happen again cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state its ever been this is no place to try and live my life.
perfection at 4:59 PM
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006
there used to be a greying tower alone on the sea. you became the light on the dark side of me.
maybe its meant to be this way. to me you'll always remain a mystery. i cant bear it much more. the disappointment that comes along with attempt. i may just give up.
then again. maybe you wouldnt even notice. the absence, my exit.
please dont put dents in my box. you'll make them defective.
the more i get of you stranger it feels and now that your rose is in bloom a light hits the gloom on the grey.
perfection at 3:57 PM
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i dont understand. the reason behind all this. why the sudden wall built. i cant feel you anymore. detachment to solitude. leaving me in the far horizon. reveled in helplessness.
why please tell me. fear and unfamiliarity. have you found any before. or have you been let down. how did you get so hard. a nucleated soul. bring me to that forbidden castle.
this is a poem written with a sec two brain. the sun is shining brightly. the crocodile sits on the rock. the crocodile is thirsty.
can i just pick a fight. i want to be in chaos.
will you trust me? trust that i'll hold your hand and walk you through?
on my knees i'll ask last chance for one last dance cause with you i'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand far away for far too long.
perfection at 2:52 PM
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Sunday, July 09, 2006
in another's shoes.
hush now dont say a word. you're not making it any better. should i just take all we had. and seal it in a letter. send it to the Island of Regret. and leave everything else unsaid.
the truth crushes so i lie. your joy it pierces i might die. fake highs cant kill the depression. it only hurts when i laugh.
let me run dont hold me back. dont know how much more i can take. its ripping me up from the inside. just how long more till i break. i never wanted you to leave. i really never did. i just thought you should have known. that i've loved you all along. thats why i'm singing this song.
hush now please say no more. because you know i've heard it all before.
you've inspired me. to write lyrics again. its been a pretty long time since. now i shall write another to counter this.
perfection at 5:05 PM
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holland village. it brings back so many memories. every inch of that place reminds me. nostalgia, i miss it.
if i never knew, i'd never care. those who understand it, appreciate it. i'm not a child at heart.
stacie orrico's "i promise". dont lose yourself please. you're so little and so fragile. you just make me wanna take care of you. like how a big sister or mother would. not letting any harm come upon you. to be there to wipe your tears. and drive your fears away. to tell you that everything's alright. i'll protect you with all my might. i would swear but i cant. so i'll just promise.
take your darkest night and make it bright for you will i be there to make you strong and to lean on when this world has turned so cold will i be the one thats there to hold i promise i will.
perfection at 2:42 PM
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Friday, July 07, 2006
i found out that. i have this really weird and annoying habit. everytime i come back home and i'm in jeans. i always throw my jeans into the laundry basket without taking out my phone. after unpacking my bag and realising that my phone's missing. i use my house phone to call it. then i walk to the laundry basket to reject my own call. oddness.
i'm reading my chem book now okay. i wont borrow it from the library and not read it.
i'll only teach those who genuinely want to learn. i'll only tell those who genuinely want to care.
you dont know me till you've known what i've been through.
and whats the worst you take from every heart you break and like a blade you stain well i've been holding on tonight so long and goodnight.
perfection at 1:30 PM
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Thursday, July 06, 2006
the six intriguing thoughts in my head today:
the truth hurts, so we lie.
i'm a very complicated being.
the theory of relativity still stands.
at a tender age, i figured you couldnt do anything to me.
the truth of the matter is, people dont care how much you know till they know how much you care.
i'm not psychic. i must know you.
i borrowed a chemistry book from my school library today too. of my own accord. i am now officially a convert.
the clouds are rolling in because i'm gone again and to him i just cant be true and i know that he knows i'm unfaithful.
perfection at 3:31 AM
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Tuesday, July 04, 2006
there was a house. built on the softest sand under the bluest skies. in front of the vast warm ocean. around it were other houses. beautiful exterior furnishings and interior designs. with white picket fences as boundaries. it was always believed that fences never really divided.
somehow as time passes. you start to find drawers, boxes and chests. old, dirty, broken. stashed away in basements and attics. all locked and hidden from sight. all done so this beautiful imagery may not be soiled.
now this house. has two red brick walls beside it stretching high. they block out the glorious sun and cast shadows through its windows. they also shelter the house from the elements. that it may remain safe and untouched.
it is true. isolation achieves the avoidance of pain. somehow it just seems to be the easiest way of escape for me. not caring anymore than i should. leave it as it is or whichever. now let me graffitize my walls.
perfection at 4:10 PM
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Monday, July 03, 2006
SHOUT YOUR FAME ! an experience so inexplicable. the before, the during, the after, the supporters. its a testimony on its own. my thank-you shoutouts! :
Him, my One and Only. for choosing me as His vessel. when i wasnt even willing to avail myself. and thus giving me an opportunity to witness His wonders. regret, pain, dread to joy, appreciation, knowledge.
jael, alicia, tham, charisse, eliza, germ, schezn, stix, weipin, jar, sk, my brother and everyone else who cheered me on ! thanks for screaming your guts out for me :D for the banners and wearing my trademark ties ! i really really appreciate you all sooo much.
my mom. for making my banners even when i didnt request it directly. for cheering me on in the front row seat. for offering me invaluable advice. i love you so.
my dad, john, isaiah, spencer, ryan and everyone else who supported me morally ! even though yall couldnt make it. i believe yall were cheering me on too :D
i never know. or rather i never admit. because i am this way. i dont expect what i dont think i avail to others. but time and again i am proven wrong.
when shadows fall and block my eyes i am lost and know that i must hide cause its a long, long journey till i find my way home to You.
perfection at 4:28 PM
theJOURNEY.
theTUNES.
what sing you.
theMUSICIAN.
dania
st nicks
anderson
nus
trinity christian centre
